In New York state, way back in 1819
there lived a poor boy of just thirteen
who got caught up in the treasure craze
which back then was a popular phase
in which tales of pirates and Spaniards
burying treasure in the land were heard
This boy named Joseph was told tales
of Captain Kidd’s adventures sailed
on the isles of Cumora where he’d hide
from his foes in the city of Mor-o-ni

If only this boy had a way to see
where such hidden riches might be
Luckily one day while digging a well
He found a seer stone to help him tell
where jewels and coins had been hid
which he could find for a small bid
he’d just put his head into a hat
and find missing objects just like that
but there sometimes was a problem
when slippery spirits would hide them

After some time without good luck
in which no vein of gold was struck
and his landlord Lemuel Durfee
saw the rent hadn’t been paid lately
By chance an angel named Moroni
an ancient American resurrected guy
came to tell Joseph of a golden book
hid on a local hill in an unseen nook
now if his creditors waited patiently
what ancient wonders they might see

But in the end the angel blasted
Joseph for trying to seek riches
the gold had to be kept out of sight
because selling it would not be right
but an ancient tale upon plates
would be of worth even more great
and besides the Lord said one night
you’ll make cash selling the copyright
thus your farmer friend will be paid
for the printing when a profits made

But a magical book he had to write
with a rock in a hat shining it’s light
to reveal the ancient American tale
before he could advertise it for sale
how could this boy so uneducated
get this unusual urtext translated?
despite the fact that his father,
brother and mother were teachers
surely he was too dumb to invent
stories like the ones he had dreamt

luckily he didn’t have to do it alone
cousin Oliver lived close to home
and had worked once already
on an ancient Yankee Israelite story
Ethan Smith, his boss and pastor
had written one, but it didn’t matter
because that was only just fiction
but this was given by divine dictation
so they must be completely innocent
of any accusation of coincidence

So don’t look with any suspicion
on errors copied from a bible edition
on phrases found in his school book
you aren’t worthy if you take a look
forget those names the book gives
in common with places where he lived
and so what if a Lemuel he knew
or read about Cumora[h] & Moroni too
all of these facts are just a test
so if you forget them it would be best

Of course we haven’t found any
metal swords, chariots, or pennies
no cloths, crops, animals or writing
for God went and hid any such things
despite all evidence of the Ro-mans
in England during the same time-span
and in Canada remains of the vikings
the lack of Israelites there is striking
but it’s just because they were all hid
except to a 19th century New York kid

None of this really matters though
facts aren’t the way to really know
what is false from what is true
praying is what you need to do
for no-one has ever gone astray
following their feelings – have they?
it’s all about whether you are pious
and don’t care about confirmation bias
forget doubts that come your way
truth isn’t found in what science says